I Peter 3:1-4, 7
“The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition. … The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.”
“In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gently and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. … In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Threat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”
I Peter, and the other epistles, were written by the apostles and are not the words of Christ, nor are they law, prophesy or wisdom literature. They are a curious mixture of all, so it is hard to know how to go about navigating them. Discussion of this text gets deep pretty quickly. What should a wife’s ‘godly life’ look like? What is a gentle and quiet spirit for different personality types? How should we adjust a 1st Century social context to the modern era? Are adornments allowed or should they be spurned? Does a man’s refusal to honor his wife set her free from submission? Should we read Peter’s words as law or should we consider them wisdom?
My marriage of 51 years has given me many an opportunity to parse Peter’s words. Legalistically following these and other New Testament passages on marriage has led my husband and I into much grief. The spread of personality gifts between us doesn’t match this formula. We’ve found a focus on mutuality works better given who we are. When we both give everything according to who God made us to be, the issue of authority and submission vanishes. Over time our complemetary strengths have blended into a fully functioning whole.
Lord, thank you for showing us how to follow you in our marriage beginning with who you made us to be. Use us to encourage others with the same spread of personalities. Help me to write about it more clearly. Thank you for bring us here, to 51 years of life together. Lead us further on and further in to union with you.